Complete Overhaul

In the last...well, longer than I care to admit really, I have avoided blogging completely. The odd post here and there, just depending where the mood took me. I've missed it, and needed it and yet being scared of seeing words typed out in front of me that certain people will have access to, well, it's meant I've totally avoided it. Also because in the last six months my ENTIRE life has changed and with every change came a bigger 'mass' to add to the list of things to write about. It all just seemed so...mamouth.

I guess the first major change is that I became a single Mummy. Joshua's Daddy and I hadn't been right for a very, very long time. His situation with his back problem had changed him (as would be expected) but it also killed what little was left of our relationship. I cared for him and gave him everything I could to help him but it wasn't enough, and in the process of giving him everything, there was nothing left for me or for Josh. I was 25 and waking up every day feeling like I was having an identity crisis. I didn't know who I was anymore, what things I wanted from life or what my dreams were. That's what happens when you give another person all of yourself, when it's all drained and gone...there isn't anything left. I've always been fiercely strong minded and very confident in myself, I guess you could say I was always sure of who I was. Somewhere in the last year and a half I totally lost myself. And when both Jamie and I discussed it, we both knew we had no other options left together. So earlier this year Joshua and I found a lovely house and moved out in to our new home together, just the two of us.

It has been a whole new chapter of my life and although it was the hardest choice to make, I haven't regretted it once. Because I can say, with my hand on my heart that I tried everything I possibly could to keep our family together, I don't carry any guilt around about us not being together now. That's been a refreshing thing for me, as I'm quite impulsive but in this case it was the biggest choice I ever had to make and I thought about it for months and months and waited for the right time. Waiting for the right time meant I gained clarity and could walk away with no regrets. Josh and I have settled in to our new home amazingly well and we are both so much happier, as is his Daddy. It was the best thing for us. However it's not all been smooth sailing, but then again it never is, is it?! I've lost a lot of our mutual friends, who have judged me because of whats happened despite the fact it was both of our decesions, they blame me. I could understand their treatment of me if I had met someone else or something like that, but I didn't! Our relationship just stopped working. What has suprised me most though, is the friends of mine who all of a sudden have massively backed off. And I'm going to be blunt...now I am 'single' they feel like I'm a threat to their own husbands or boyfriends. That has been one of the hardest things to bear. I've been made to feel like a seductive woman on the prowl!! They have suddenly seen my newly single status and backed off, despite the fact that I wouldn't EVER do that! I have been made to feel like my behavior is under scrutiny when at parties or BBQ's etc and made to feel like I'm waiting to pounce! I can't believe it, because I haven't acted any different with anyone-male or female friends! And these friends know me well enough to know that I wouldn't ever do anything like that too.  I remember someone else telling me this once...that you will be suprised who shuns you when you become a threat again. And boy, was I suprised! Luckily most of my friendships have been massively strengthened through it all. But just the odd few have really let me down and that's a little sad. But actually I would rather them disappear because if you can't rely on them in a difficult time then they are only 'fair weather friends' and I'm not all too keen on that type of person quite honestly! I invest a lot in my friends so would rather know before I invest more and more.

Other than that, and the expected disagreement about childcare and money etc with Joshua's Dad, things have been...really good! Being a single Mummy is so hard though. Far harder than I could have expected, and I expected it to be hard enough! All of a sudden the sole responsibility is on my shoulders to raise and care for Josh. It's all now down to me to plant his lifelong foundations, to teach him the things he needs to know to help him grow and to be a well rounded individual. It's a role of optimum responsibility and isn't to be taken lightly! The pressure of being financially responsible for everything is the most challenging, as money is so tight. But even on the worst days, when I literally have no money and have to go without lunch in order to have dinner, I am still far happier this way.

I don't mope around about it, I haven't cried about it. Being a single parent is our reality now, and for us it's a good one! I don't ask for sympathy from anyone because I am the most content I have ever been in my life. I smile again, I laugh a lot again, I can walk around the house singing and dancing with Josh, I can just enjoy life again. The last 18 months have been the worst of my life and no-one except Joshua's Dad and me will ever know the extent of the damage that was caused and the things that happened to me. And I'm not about to degrade my integrity by telling those people who have judged me, because if they want to judge me without knowing the facts then their opinions are irrelevant to me anyway. But they see my happiness and hold it against me- well, tough. I wouldn't change what's happened!

I am lucky that Josh see's his Dad a few times a week and goes to nursery on Fridays, but other than that I don't have a huge amount of help but I do have a lot of support and that's made all of the difference! And as for the person I am now? Well, several people have said I seem like a different person now I am happier. And I always say the same thing..."I'm not a different person, I'm actually the person I was five years ago but took a break from being her for a while". And it feels good to be back.

I hope I don't come across as bitter writing this, because I really am not! I still care about Joshua's Dad and we get on better now we aren't together! I'm happier. I'm like a caged bird that's been set free and the prospect of what freedom means...it's beautiful.

Update Over, I hope you will have me back fellow bloggers!

Love Chloe xx

My Apron...My Iconic Item for the Home!

I never used to be one of those people who 'got' the whole retro/vintage fashion style. To me the idea of wearing things that were designed to fit in to an era which my Grandmother belonged to, just wasn't appealing (and for my body shape it wasn't flattering either!). However as I've 'grown-up'... (ok, I think it's doubtful that I have done that, more like I've just got older!) there is more appeal to timeless pieces. Things that rather than laughing at, I'm now drawn to! I think it's my Mummy-o-meter that's done it, I've been refined! When it comes to certain things I now look for practicality and price, rather than fashion and brand! One of these such items is *leans in closer and whispers* ...aprons!

Not something I ever considered as an essential before I became a Mummy, now I view them as essential and actually wearing them makes me feel more homely...and on some level like it reflects my desired inner maturity at parenthood. So when I answer the door to the postman and I am wearing my apron, with my hair tied back, child in tow...I feel like I am saying to the world, 'I am the embodiment of a good mother, see I wear an apron!'.

I was thinking about how iconic aprons are really. Not only do surgeons, doctors, nurses and other health professionals wear them but some of the greatest chef's and gardeners do too, and some of the most inspirational childcare professionals as well! Therefore I am in great company when wearing mine!

People like Jo Frost (Supernanny) and someone I am a HUGE advocate of-Gina Ford, have all been known to wear aprons for practical reasons. At my son's nursery they were aprons too and I don't feel enough Mummies are encouraged to wear them! We wear them in the kitchen to protect our clothes so why not wear them to protect our clothes when changing nappies, giving baths, feeding etc?! I know I do, and when I don't, it's always the time I get water,food and other child related mess all over me! I particularly like this one from John Lewis for a Mummy apron!

Other iconic apron wearers in my opinion are the most well known ones like Gordon Ramsey, Jamie Oliver, Nigella Lawson, Delia Smith and Rachel Allen. Because the most common place you will find an apron (and an apron wearer!) is in the kitchen! I love to watch the way those celebrity chef's work and the wonderful creations they make, which in my opinion are the best type of creation because they are edible! I always feel my cooking skills are a little bit more superior when I wear my apron, like suddenly my skill set will increase because I'm wearing the same as the celebs! I love nothing more than to don my apron and prepare a big family meal, and when I go to my Mum's for a big Sunday roast, the sight of her in her apron, cooking away really makes me feel at home! I particularly like this one for cooking in, pink and girlie and perfect for me!

So as I pondered on the iconic people who wear aprons, I realised that actually an apron itself is the iconic part! Ageless, timeless and practical there is nothing more professional looking (and feeling than a good apron for around the home and garden. Great as gifts too because they will always be used! Check out all these aprons from John Lewis-there is something for everyone, including the kids so they can get as stuck in as you can this Easter Weekend making Easter cupcakes!

On a final note, Mary Poppins was the most iconic person to don an apron...she always wore one and she is actually Superwoman! Cooking, cleaning, raising children, flying on umbrella's etc Therefore I am following in her footsteps and wearing mine!!

Love Chloe
xx

**Please note this is a sponsored post but all opinions expressed are my own**

Giving a Little Something Back

As a Mummy and a now small business owner, I barely get the time to do anything other than those two things! My time is spent divided between nappy changing and painting, which occasionally in my sleep deprived state can almost seem to merge together!

If you didn't know, I run a business called Daisy Days Designs. It's my love and my passion and after years of working in jobs that were merely a necessity, I now get to do something which I adore. Corny as it sounds, it's a real dream come true. Daisy Days Designs is a handmade gifts and decor business, I make anything from cute personalised plaques to extra large toyboxes and everything in between!

One of my extra large Quote boards £45

 I have been blessed in my time since I started the business in the summer last year, I have been blown away by the momentum of business as my order book always operates on a 6 week turn around as I am always so fully booked. At Christmas I had to shut my order book completely three months before the big day as I had over 400 orders booked in! I never expected my love for painting to enable me to provide for my son. But it has and it's something I treasure and love, almost like another child! I've nurtured it from it's birth and it's now a toddler, steaming ahead with unstoppable force and determination!

Personalised stacking blocks with ribbons/embellished fronts £25

 In order to thank everyone for their support, I have opened a competition up to everyone. The competition has some wonderful personalised prizes, all of which the winners get to personalise to their specifications! There is a set of wooden jigsaw letter names (freestanding), a large freestanding name/word of your choice and a large personalised date cube-all of which will be painted and decorated to suit the winners requests!

One of my popular girls toybox designs

 If you want to enter the competition then please visit the Daisy Days Designs blog here. And don't forget to 'like' me on facebook as that is where I am currently trading while my new, sparkling website is put together!

Love Chloe xx