Joshua is now two years and two months, and as most little boys his age he is full of beans, all the time! There is absolutely nothing wrong with that but with the difficulties we are facing with regards to his development delay and the parts of his behavior which are being monitored, I think I may have been guilty of getting a bit over protective. Lord knows, that's hard for me to admit! It's hard to admit to yourself that there may be something 'wrong' with your child, let alone admitting it to others! I think I actually need a stiff drink for that admission *pats self on back*.
When I started my business this year, I couldn't ever have imagined how quickly is would grow. I started it FOR Joshua-so he and I could spend all of our days blissfully indulging in Mummy & Josh outings, lunches, and general stay at home mumminess, and then I could spend my evenings working hard to be able to financially justify not going back to the grind of the 9-5 (Dolly Parton chimes in the background!). However the business is booming, which is absolutely fabulous but it's now taking time away from Joshua, at a time when he needs attention and care more than ever. SO. A happy medium occured-nursery. Win/Win right? He's old enough, and I actually believed that him spending time with other childrens might help with all his...different ways. I only wanted to send him one day a week, that's enough for me to spend a solid day working and him to get a different perspective. Sounds like the right balance, huh?
Finding a nursery that would take Joshua bearing in mind he could potentially have some difficulties in his behavior - was, well, impossible! I also know at his age it's difficult to find a good nursery with space anyway so I tried not to take it personally. Eventually we found the perfect nursery, outstanding ofstead, homely and a very home from home approach which is what I wanted for him. The staff were lovely and experienced in all manner of ages and abilities which really put me at ease. So I enrolled him quickly and hoped it would be the start of a beautiful friendship (between all of us)...*imagines running hand in hand with Josh and nursery nurse*.
When we went for our first induction, I say 'we' because it was as much me as him! I sat there on a chair made for a child the size of pea, trying to clutch coats, bags, shoes and the normal caboodle required to even leave the house these days, and felt no more than a child myself! Lovely as the staff were, I couldn't have felt more like an interviewee, the questions were endless, their observations of my son were silently monitored as I found myself filling the silences with awkward comments and un-funny jokes. So much was my heart a 'brimming for this to be Joshua's nursery that I was desperate to overcompensate where my beautiful little boy appeared to be not behaving quite as he should (in the eyes of others, to me that is just him). After squirming my way through the hour they came back to me with their conclusion, - Joshua would need to spend more time there, before being fully enrolled for them to asses whether they could meet his needs. Did that mean we got the job, or we didn't?! I left feeling more confused and less confident.
The second visit was much the same, only this time I left in tears. More painfully aware of the differences between my sons behavior and the behavior of others around him. I love him regardless, no matter what he's my baby but I left with tears falling down my cheeks as he sat confused watching me cry for him. At least we didn't have round two of the interview that time!
He's now been several times and we are still awaiting a final decesion on whether they will agree to take him, which is now frustrating but I feel stuck between a rock and a hard place. I love it there and the people are great with him, trying all sorts of techniques to help his development. I don't want to push it in case they say no, I honestly feel like I'm on trial too though! We go every week, and I get dressed up, look smart and even find myself putting on my poshest voice - although I have no idea why?! I think I've realised that when your little one starts nursery, you are as much under 'interview' as they are!
Here's hoping for good news in the next few weeks!
Love Chloe xx